Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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