WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
