The maid of honor just puked.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
