Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
