no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
