Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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