It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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