just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
