Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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