he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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