Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
so let's talk penis.
Operation Purity has been aborted
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
