dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
