Welp...herpes.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
