I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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