you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
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after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
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I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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