when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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