Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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