I look better un-naked...
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
