We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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