Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize