As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
