My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
