WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
