Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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