You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Randomize
