FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
