Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
