well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
