He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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