I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
