My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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