In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
