Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
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