Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
