she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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