i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
