One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
