I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
