we have officially lost it.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
