That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
