It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize