Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
