Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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