Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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