This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
