Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Someone shattered a urinal.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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