I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
