Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
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