You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
