it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
