i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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