You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
What a dumb baby whore.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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