I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
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Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
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