i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
