My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.