if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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