sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Randomize
