Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
