Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.