u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Randomize
