Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
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you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
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You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
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