im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
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found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
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You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything