can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
