I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
