went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
