So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
