Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i think i have two assholes
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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