The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
