Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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