were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
