We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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