I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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