you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
