I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
